Good Bye

It was thousand suns exploding

While darkness crept beneath

It was blinding rays of light

While tumbling down a bottomless pit

When she said

“Good bye”

Confessions Of A Loner

There’s a reason that I hate romances. They always remind of the things that I never had. Love, such an insignificantly small, four lettered word; yet all the people seemed to be so obsessed over it. Frankly I don’t get it. I don’t get any of it. May be it’s just me, and my weird self.

I've been involved with women, some casual, and some I thought were serious. But I suppose I never really loved them. I thought I was, and at times I forced myself to feel that way. I've said the same lines to every single girl. They keep asking me why them? What made them so special to me? And why do I love them? I just merely told them what they wanted to hear. Does that make me a liar? I suppose so. Does that make me heinous? I don’t know, maybe it does. I've been living in pretense all my life. I've been pretending so much that I’m confused what I really am. I've been lying all my life, and I've lost the truth somewhere along the road.

The truth is that I've always kept my feelings in check. Truth is that I've kept my emotions shut. I was eleven when my dad died, and I didn't even know that he was until I reached home to find him in a coffin. Most would've cried, most would've broken down, most would've acted differently than the way I did. I just kept staring at his body, not sure what I should feel or how I should feel. People around were giving me weird looks. Their faces were worried, and their eyes asked “what’s wrong with that kid?” So I learned from my mistakes. When it was my grandmother’s turn to go to the other side, I just followed the lead of my relatives. They looked sad, I looked sad. They started crying, and so did I. even though I wasn't really sad.

I've been called a jerk, a dick, a moron, a loser; none of which I’m denying. I may be all of those, and probably more. I know inside, that I’ve earned all of them. The facts that even the relationships that I claimed serious, not lasting for a considerable amount of time, made me realize that I truly deserve all of them. May be it is because that inside I’m still a little child. I want toys that I don’t have, and when I finally get them I just get tired of them, and start looking for a new toy to play with. Or maybe it is just simply because I’m afraid of commitments.  I am damaged, I know, and probably beyond anyone’s help.

I am man with little regrets in my life. I neither regret nor resent any encounter I had with anyone in my life. So why am I writing this? I myself don’t know the reason. May be I feel guilty for all the lies I've said, and all that I made others believe, or maybe I just felt like getting this off of my chest. I did it all to spare myself of loneliness, and to get myself distracted from my life itself. I guess I’m a little bit more selfish than I thought.

Flowers of A Little Girl

Fade out the lights

Carnival is all but over

Little girl

Why are you waiting?

With those flowers

Beautiful flowers

Smiling at the heavens

Smiling at the dark

I’m waiting, she said

Darkness came,

Wind blew, screaming in her ears

Rain poured, drowning her eyes

Little girl

Who stole your flowers?

Was it lost in the dark?

Her eyes searching for the pieces

Heavy with shame

No, she sighed

Flowers she found

Petals torn against their will

Colors robbed without a cry

Stabbed with thorns

Gasping for life

Little girl

Will the flowers die?

Will they fade away?

She said…

In A Distant Valley

A cold eve

Mist hiding in the smoke

Let my dreams paint a distant valley

Come, with me

Alone we will lose ourselves,

In a distant valley, where the green is all but lost

The night, let us awaken from its sleep

The bees with their flowers, they wouldn’t know

Come, with me

Alone we will lose ourselves,

In a distant valley, where the green is all but lost

Clouds will shape our love

In the distant valley

Let us find our haven there

Come, with me

Alone we will lose ourselves

In a distant valley, where the green is all but lost

   

Hiding Behind The Smoke

Lips

Her lips,

Was there ever a thing that was sweeter?

“You taste like cigarettes,”

She coiled back, fighting to break free

“And you taste like strawberries”

Said I, wrapping my arms around her,

“Let me go, you never loved me,”

Her eyes, dark, piercing me

Her hair tangled in my fingers

“Didn’t I?”, “Didn’t I love you?”

Tell me, I won’t lie this time

Cause, It hurts

It’s dark and it’s cold

in here, in me

“Don’t you leave me,” cried I

I’m scared, scared that I’ll get lost

Lost in the smoke of my own cigarettes

But,

I’ll let you leave,

The smoke will only choke you

Smother you with ash

I’ll hide behind the smoke

I’m scared, but still I will

So that I won’t see you leave

So that you won’t see me

Yet I still hear your footsteps,

leaving

And your voice,

fading,

“Don’t be scared,

just light your cigarette.”

Letter To A Coffee Junkie

Hey,

I’ve missed you

Your voice

Telling that you don’t love me

That you hate me

I’ve waited in my solitude

Long, too long, I suppose

For those words

For them to kiss my ears again

Yet they seem silent

Leaving me to ponder

Have they lost themselves,

in the air? have they forgotten me?

Me, I’m still here

Still waiting,

I guess some feelings just won’t change

Love,

The Poet!

P.S - The more I try, the more i fail

There's always more that i want to say

But I'll save them, till we meet

or by fate when we part

In Love

Some say I’m insane

That I have lost my sight

Of the world; of what’s real

May be I am

Insane

It’s that flicker

in her eyes, that warmth

in her laughter. That I long,

I miss; May be I am

Lost

Yearning for the scent

of your lips, with thoughts

never leaving your grasp

Reminding; May be I am

Forgotten

Love was never my strength

Sanity is what I pretend

Lost. I am without you,

your presence; May be I am

In love